Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I’m retired and have little to do, on impulse [...]
I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of quid for dinner.
I took out my wallet, got out ten pounds and asked, ‘If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?’
‘No, I had [...]
Renault and Ford are working on a new small car for women.
They are mixing the Clio and the Taurus, and calling it the “Clitaurus.”
It comes in pink and the average male thief won’t be able to find it, even if someone tells him where it is.
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald’s I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken Mc Nuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
‘We don’t have half dozen nuggets,’ said the teenager at the counter.
‘You don’t?’ I replied.
‘We only have six, nine, or twelve,’ was the reply.
‘So I [...]
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Bruce goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, ‘Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I [...]
Number 10
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 9
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 8
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.
If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich ..
Number 7
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to [...]
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turned around, faced him, looked him straight in the eye and said,
‘Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, any time, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, dirty, clean . [...]
word for word, taken down and now published by court
reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________ ________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your [...]
When a woman wears a leather dress, a man’s heart beats quicker, his throat gets dry, his knees get weak, and he thinks irrationally?
Ever wonder why?
It’s because she smells like a new truck!
view the full post »1. Schizophrenia ~ Do You Hear What I Hear?
2. Multiple Personality Disorder ~ We Three Kings Disoriented Are
3. Dementia ~ I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas
4. Narcissistic ~ Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
5. Manic ~ Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town [...]