You Make This

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they  were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in  the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,……….

‘Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet  to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight,…… let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow!…………………. That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.

‘Good,’ she replied. ………….’Get your own f—ing blanket.’

After a moment of silence, …………..he farted.

The End

A woman goes into Bass Pro to buy a rod and reel for her grandson’s birthday. She doesn’t know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.

A Bass Pro associate is standing there wearing dark shades. She says, ‘Excuse me, sir. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?’

He says, ‘Ma’am, I’m completely blind; but if you’ll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes.’

She doesn’t believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.

He says, ‘That’s a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It’s a good all around combination; and it’s on sale this week for only $20.00.’

She says, ‘It’s amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I’ll take it!’ As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.

‘Oh, that sounds like a Master Card,’ he says.

She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts. At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was she who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn’t know that she was the only person around?

The man rings up the sale and says, ‘That’ll be $34.50 please.’

The woman is totally confused by this and asks, ‘Didn’t you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?’

He replies, ‘Yes, ma’am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00 and the Catfish Bait is $3.50.

Life really boils down to 2 questions:

1) Should I get a dog?…

OR

2) Should I have children?…

THIS IS NEW! - Eight Amazing Holes!

These holes are not only amazing, but some of them are really terrifying - especially #8!

The sheer scale of these holes reminds you of just how tiny we are.

1. Kimberley Big Hole, South Africa

Apparently the largest ever hand-dug excavation in the world, this 1097 meter deep mine yielded over 3 tons of diamonds before being closed in 1914.

2. Glory Hole - Monticello Dam, California

A glory hole is used when a dam is at full capacity and water needs to be drained from the reservoir.

This is the ‘Glory Hole’ at Monticello dam, and it’s the largest in the world of this type of spillway, its size enabling it to consume 14,400 cubic feet of water every second.

3. Bingham Canyon Mine, Utah

This is supposedly the largest man-made excavation on earth. Extraction began in 1863 and still continues today, the pit increasing in size constantly. In its current state the hole is miles deep and 2.5 miles wide.

4. Great Blue Hole, Belize

This incredible geographical phenomenon, known as a blue hole, is situated 60 miles off the mainland of Belize. There are numerous blue holes around the world, but none as stunning as this one.

5. Mirny Diamond Mine, Serbia

I’m pretty sure most people have seen this one. It’s an absolute beast and holds the title of largest open diamond mine in the world. At 525 meters deep, with a top diameter of 1200 meters, there’s even a no-fly zone above the hole due to a few helicopters having been sucked in.

6. Diavik Mine, Canada

The mine is so huge and the area so remote that it has its own airport with a runway large enough to accommodate a Boeing 737. It looks equally cool when the surrounding water is frozen.

7. Sinkhole in Guatemala

These photos are of a sinkhole that occurred early this year in Guatemala. The hole swallowed a dozen homes and killed at least 3 people.

And the really terrifying one?

#8.’Rat Hole’ - USA

This is the famous ‘Rat Hole’ that you have heard about. It is capable of swallowing trillions and trillions of U.S. Dollars… Annually! Never to be seen or heard from again!

A 9-year old plays hooky from school and goes back in his house after his dad leaves for work and his mother goes shopping.  But, his mom returns shortly with a man; seems she takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. The 9-year old son sees them pull in the driveway and hides in the bedroom closet.

Now, the woman’s husband also comes home; she tells her lover to hide in the closet; not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says to the man, ‘Dark in here.’
The man says, ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball.’
Man: ‘That’s nice’
Boy: ‘Want to buy it?’
Man: ‘No, thanks.’
Boy: ‘My Dad’s outside; want to meet him?’
Man: ‘OK, how much?’
Boy: ‘$250′

Dad leaves, the boy gets his $250, the man figures it was worth it.

A couple of weeks later it happens again; and the boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: ‘Dark in here.’
Man: ‘Yes, it is.’
Boy: ‘I have a baseball glove.’
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, ‘How much?’
Boy: ‘$750′
Man: ‘Sold.’

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, ‘ Grab your glove, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.’

The boy says, ‘I can’t, I sold my baseball and my glove.’
The Dad asks, ‘How much did you sell them for?’
Boy: ‘$1,000′
The Dad says, ‘That’s terrible to over charge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost. I’m taking you to church, to confession.’

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, ‘D ark in here.’
The priest says, ‘Don’t start that shit again; you’re in MY closet now.

Many believed this day would never come, but in a few short  days, an African American man will move from his private residence into a much larger and infinitely more expensive one owned not by him but by the taxpayers. A vast lawn, a perimeter fence and many well trained security specialists will insulate him from the rest of us but the mere fact that this man will be residing in this house should make us all stop and count or blessings - because it proves that we live in a nation where  anything is possible.

Today, I  thank the Lord above that I am an American and that I live in a nation where wrongs are righted, where justice matters and where truly anything is  possible.

Who is this man you ask?  Click here to find out

I guess we all need a few laughs in this time of financial turmoil…

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me…………

An Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .

She asked the teller, ‘Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen.

Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?’

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, ‘Fluctuations.’

The Asian lady says, ‘Fluc you white people too!’