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Archive for November, 2009

Italian Honeymoon

Sunday, November 29th, 2009

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, “Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?”

Luigi said, “Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down.”

“Whata you mean, Luigi?” asked Giovanni.

“Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food.

She brough ta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket.

The conductore come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, ‘no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.’

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, ‘No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car..’ So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, ‘No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.’

“We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice..

‘Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !’

“Nexta time, I’ma just gonna taka da bus”

Implanted Microchip

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

THE   PATRIOT MICRO CHIP is intended to be implanted in terrorists.

The implant is specifically designed to be installed in the forehead, and when properly installed it will allow the implantee to speak to God.

It comes in various sizes:



implantedchip



The exact size of the implant will be selected by a well-trained and highly-skilled technician.
The implant may or may not be painless.
Side effects, like headaches and nausea, are temporary.
Some bleeding or swelling may occur at the injection site.

Please enjoy the security we provide for you.
Best regards,

United States Marine Corps.


Employee of the month

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

A young guy from Wisconsin moves to Florida and goes to a big everything-under-one-roof department store looking for a job.

The Manager says, ‘Do you have any sales experience?’  The kid says ‘Yeah. I was a salesman back in Wisconsin.’  Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.  You start tomorrow.  I’ll come down after we close and see how you did.’

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.  How many customers bought something from you today?’
The kid says, one.  The boss says,  ‘Just one?
Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?
The kid says, ‘$101,237.65.’  His boss says,
‘$101,237.65? What the heck did you sell?’

The kid says, ‘First, I sold him a small fish hook.  Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a larger fishhook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn’t think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4×4 Expedition.’

The boss said ‘A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?’  The kid said ‘No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife, and  I said,

‘Dude, your weekend’s shot, you should go fishing.”

The truth about the Colorado Balloon incident

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Boy in Balloon

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